It’s unclear to me, just exactly what has been holding me back. I’d sit, nearly frozen in fear (like a deer in the headlights, as they say); staring at the keyboard…and, certain that nobody will ever read what I write; cuz I have nothing of interest to blog about. *Sigh* 🙄

Then, I started remembering how many times that folks have told me, “Your life should be a book…”; funny, I’ve got several books started, but only one finished (a children’s book, starring my dog “Tinky”).

I thought about it & decided that a blog could serve as a great jumping-off point, for me to engage the public & find out if they’re interested in my blathering; as well as vent a little steam, sing my beautiful boy’s praises & maybe share a little about Us…what we’ve accomplished, where we’ve failed and what we learned from it all. Not to mention…the challenges, heartbreaks, joys and growth I’VE experienced; as a momma bear with an autistic child (now 24, 6’2″ & 260lbs). He’s impossible to get mad at much less stay mad at, he’s innocent & vulnerable as a 6 yr old in so many ways, he’s creative, imaginative, brilliant and hilarious.

And, sometimes…he gets mad.

Momentarily losing control, he can get aggressive, intense & destructive…even violent, towards himself & me. Luckily, those moments (although intense), are usually over quickly. On occasion, it can last as long as an hour…but, for the past few years,those times mostly consist of 4 or 5 short(ish) bursts of aggressive behavior w little cooling-off periods, in between.

It is NOT an easy thing to do, watching your child become enraged at & battling against these unseen demons of sorrow, anger & fear…all embodied in imaginary monsters, enemies & attacks. It tears me up, to know he’s going thru it…and I’m so glad he’s here w me, where he’s safe during those (not so lucid) moments. No worrying about unqualified or spiteful direct care staff that might hurt him, or be mean to him, or (worse), scare him. He’s with momma & he knows that… I get him and he gets me & my weird sense of humor, most the time 😏

We’ve gone thru hell & back so many times, we’ll no doubt bare the scars of those fires for life. We may not be the same as we were, before the first flames of Hades licked at our heels and gave us a preview of the hell to come; but, that’s ok. 😁 Evolution is one of my son’s favorite obsessions.

Plus, we’re getting pretty good at evolving & adapting… and, accepting that change may always be a little scary & that’s ok, cuz we can look back over our shoulders (briefly), to remind ourselves of the many roads thru hell that we’ve already traveled & how brave and strong we are, to have faced those flames… and battled our way thru them, together. #MySonIsMyHero ❤️

~tina marie ✌️😎🤟😁🌻