Generally speaking, this is good advice; specifically, speaking with my autistic son…this is vital.

The wrong word, the wrong phrasing…can trigger an aggressive reaction. There’s a need to be in a heightened state of awareness(24/7), when speaking about…anything; it can be frustrating, when I’m sick, or flat exhausted from sleep deprivation. And, since I tend to be sick fairly often & exhausted even more so…I slip and make mistakes sometimes. Instead of phrasing a statement like, “I need you to remember to drink water, before you have soda”, for instance…I might catch myself (too late), saying “No soda, get a water bottle… *crap*.

The word “no”, is a Negative message… whereas “I need you to…” or “Can you please…” , are Positive messages. Tell the child what they CAN do…rather than what they Can’t Do. Rather than saying “No”, “Don’t…” or “You can’t…” , which are Negative messages; you use Positive phrasing & positive messages, like “You can do…(X, Y and/or Z)”. This way of phrasing awareness was something I learned very early on, in my ASD motherhood. An it has served me well, ever since.

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