I will stay up front. Forgive me for this blog. I’m going to use. Talk to text on my phone because my hands are not working properly enough to type. Don’t know if it’s Ms if it’s nerve damage from the shooting or what but all I know is my hands are not cooperating and it takes me 10 minutes to type a paragraph. And being the solo mom and sole caregiver of my 26-year-old autistic son means I can’t take 10 minutes to type a paragraph. I don’t have that kind of time. But I need this blog or there anybody reads it or not. I need this blog. I do this blog as a way to keep my sanity. So that I can put this down somewhere and see it and know that it was real. That I was here. Because I sometimes I’m not sure if I am here or why I’m here. I look around at the world today and I wonder how the fuck we got here. And then I think about it and I realize how much of my life. I’ve spent dealing with people that just want to argue and fight and fight and fight about everything and anything and it’s just exhausting. And I think I finally realized something today, and it makes me wonder how dumb I am that it took me this long to realize it. People don’t love to fight. People are obsessed with winning winning. And they don’t realize that they will never ever win until they stop fighting. I guess that’s all. I came here to say today. I know it sounds lame, to say it took me 60 years to realize that. But there it is. You’re never going to win until you stop fighting. The world will never win until they stop fighting. Humanity will never win, never be a successful species, until the fighting stops.

I’m going to push publish now and I’m not going to spell check or proofread because I don’t care if there are mistakes. Talk to text is frustrating in that it sucks at punctuation and oftentimes if I read back what I’ve put down through talks to text I sound a bit stupid or insane. Maybe I’m both. But there it is. Lesson learned and I’m going to put it here so that I can come back and read it if I ever feel the need. If anybody happens to read this ever, thank you for reading it. Taking an interest and I hope you don’t leave. Feeling like you wasted your time.